When You Don’t Know What You Want…

You have no idea how many times I hear this…

One might think that everyone has so many unfulfilled wishes and dreams, but if they hide or bury them, it takes some time and effort to uncover them again.

Women focus on their kids and families, supporting and caring for them, making sure everyone has their needs met, their desires fulfilled,… Then one day, kids grow up and they don’t need you as much. They can take care of themselves. And you end up in the “void” of not knowing where you are going, what you want and what are your dreams and new purpose.

Here are 3 easy steps to get more clarity about your dreams and desires:

1. FIRST, CHANGE YOUR LANGUAGE

When you are saying “I don’t know” you literally close your mind to options, possibilities, and inspiration. It’s a fact that you repeat as your truth thus making it your truth. Instead, choose “becoming” words (I’m exploring/ discovering/ finding… what I want.) This implies action from your side, that you are working towards knowing and that you are actively looking for solutions.

2. SCORE (EVALUATE) YOUR LIFE

Not everything is bad. Don’t focus on those things. Yes, accept and embrace them, but look for positive too.

I suggest you look at each area of your life separately (your self, health, relationships, love, career/job, environment) and give it a score between 1 (lowest) -10 (the best). Then find the reasons for that score:

  • What you (don’t) like? Why?
  • What would make this score higher? Why?
  • Be honest with yourself and don’t focus just on the negative. Find something positive for each area. What is working for you? Why?

This will give you an idea where you “need” to work on, but also what already works and where are the areas you feel happier, better, fulfilled…

  • How can you have more of that in your life?
  • How can you incorporate those insights into other areas?
  • And if you are not happy with where you are, what would be the opposite (= what you want)?

3. FIND POSITIVE MEMORIES

Write your happy past stories, from the earliest childhood. Describe the situation, what happened, and what feelings did it evoke (e.g. happy, proud, accomplished, accepted…).

  • Do you find any common theme?
  • What were some of the activities you enjoyed?
  • Which of them you can do in your present life?

Maybe you’ve always wanted to be a teacher, maybe you enjoyed theatre, or sports, or crafts… Start exploring and you’ll see if you still have a passion for those or not. You might also find a different aspect of the same passion (e.g. instead of playing in a theater, you can create costumes).

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT!

You just denied it for so long that your dreams are hidden somewhere below your obligations, to-do’s and should’s.

Start slowly! Finding your new purpose can take years of trying and exploring, testing, and changing. But like everything, it starts with the first step. Going after the next small improvement, doing something to feel a bit better and happier.

With love,
Alenka

p.s. If you ever need someone to help you figure out what are your dreams and purpose and how you can start living them, I’m here for you. Let’s chat!